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Presume Competence

Since we have traveled outside of the United States since Dominic was very small, we have had to get him a Children's Passport every five years. Since his current one expires in February of 2024 and he is now 19, we had to apply for an Adult Passport. I don't know why my husband and I picked Dominic's first day of school and Michigan State University moving in their students, but the appointment was yesterady at 3 p.m. We had gathered all of the documents needed and then went into a special room in the East Lansing Post Office just for Passports. The three of us sat down and the clerk asked Dominic his age. He said, "19." Since we were also getting his picture taken for the Passport, he went into a separate room, where she took a picture of him and then let him look at it to make sure he liked it (it will be his picture for the next 10 years)!  He said he did, so he sat back down with us. The clerk filled out a bit more of the paperwork and then she let Dominic sign his name on one of the forms. During the entire process, she didn't ask us to help Dominic at all. He did everything by himself! I was so proud of him!! The clerk we had was phenomenal. So many people don't talk directly to the person with a disability. Dominic understands everything, he just has a harder time processing the information. The clerk told Dominic exactly what to do and didn't overwhelm him with too much information. I am going into my eighth year of being on the Board of Directors of the Mid-Michigan Autism Association, a local non-profit organization. One of my favorite things to do are the "Autism Awareness Trainings" we do for businesses and organizations. We offer them for free and typically, it's another Board member (who does the PowerPoint) and me. I lend the parent perspective. For the past couple of trainings, I have said one of the most important things to remember with individuals with disabilities, is presume competence. There is a family that is very close to my heart and their disabled individual is a woman in her 40's in a wheelchair. When I first met them, I assumed that she was non-verbal. She wasn't. I was SO embarrassed. When Dominic was younger, I assumed there were many things he couldn't do. Lauren and Larry would tell me all the time, to not do that, that Dominic was more capable of doing things than I thought. I was not presuming competence with my own son! My reasoning was that I didn't want to see him try, not be able to do it and then get upset. But the only way to learn is to try! At a recent Presentation we did for Dominic's baking business, one of the attendees asked Dominic what his favorite cookie to bake was. I didn't automatically jump in and answer for him. I gave him some time to process the question and when he didn't, I told the attendee that Dominic had to be given choices. I told him the four different cookies we make, and he then asked Dominic which of the four cookies he liked making the best. Dominic answered, "snickerdoodles!" Just adapting a question slightly and he was able to answer! Below is one of my favorite quotes:


There are many ways for Dominic to learn and I need to remember that more often!!!


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