bountifulplate

This month marks the one-year "anniversary" of Dominic being home full-time from school. When the Pandemic started, I guess I was VERY optimistic and thought it would only last a few weeks. Little did I know, that almost a year later, the Pandemic would still be raging on. It has been of a bit of a "learning curve" having Dominic here and my husband working from home (the hubby likes to call it a "preview" of what it will be like when he retires)!!  We have worked out a good system, so one of us is always home with Dominic. He can't be left alone because of his Complex Partial Epilepsy .  He has had six seizures since the Pandemic started, the most recent one was the beginning of January. Since we have had LOTS of extra time in our schedule, in June of 2020, we went from once-a-week private speech therapy to twice-a-week. It has been a pretty seamless transition from in-person to "virtual" learning with her. His private speech therapist h...

When the Quarantine first started, I spent the first week trying to replicate what Dominic did at school on a daily basis and unfortunately, he had a seizure that Friday, March 20. The next week, I let him do whatever he wanted because I had a huge case of mom “guilt” that I had caused it. Secretly, in the back of my mind, I was hoping the Quarantine would last two weeks and things could go back to the way they were. As we all know, that hasn’t happened yet (at least here in Michigan). The third week, I started using a whiteboard for Dominic’s detailed “schedule” as well as having him write his daily chores in a spiral notebook. Dominic has had a handful of chores for well over a year now (a fabulous idea from his private speech therapist), but what I began to notice, is that I was starting to give him additional chores, many of them life skills that he will be able to carry with him throughout his life, whether he always lives with us or not.  Some of his new chores include m...

When I first started writing this blog back in 2011, it was because it had been a traumatic year and I felt that I needed a way to get my emotions out. One of my first posts was about my mother-in-law who had passed away in January. 2011 ended with me getting diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and spending the night in the hospital. As I started sharing my different experiences such as watching my daughter go off to college, little by little, the stress I had been holding in, seemed to dissipate. I could write about my aging parents, Dominic's different disabilities, and what it's like to be a stepmom. I have been told that my blog is kind of like the way I talk.  I am grateful and humbled when someone takes the time and reads a post. Yeah, I could sit out in front of my house in a lawn chair and tell my story to the people driving by, but writing a blog post and putting it out into the Internet reaches a lot more people. I had one of my blog posts on Yahoo less than ...

With Dominic fully immersed in adolescence, it's not often I think back to the time when he was non-verbal, had no eye-contact and was difficult to manage. One of Dominic's favorite things to do when he was young, was run from the backyard to our front yard and into the street. He had no sense of danger and could care less if there was a car going by. Many times when we called his name, he would just ignore us. I would break into a full sweat at just the thought of taking him to the Kroger . When I did venture out, I brought Lauren along and when Dominic would start having a meltdown, I took out my anger on Lauren. It wasn't fair to her and I knew that at the time, but unfortunately, Lauren bore the brunt of my frustration. I never knew what pure exhaustion was until I had Dominic. Taking care of a child/adult with different needs is 24/7. As Dominic has gotten older and we have worked with him, it has gotten much easier to take him out and about, travel, etc. The only c...

Last night, the hubby took me by surprise by what he said. I was telling him that Dominic and I would be heading to the high school to get his class pictures on Friday. He said, "I wonder if Dominic will be bullied." As one who was bullied in high school, it immediately brought back the feelings I try to keep buried, bubbling to the surface. I graduated 36 years ago, but it takes just a split second to feel that familiar sadness and anger. A definition of a bully according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary is: "one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable." There were a couple groups of girls that thrived on bullying me. They would continue to threaten me until I gave them what they wanted, to see me cry . I played sports with some of these girls, so at times it was very unpleasant. When I became a parent, I hoped that my children wouldn't be bullied. Unfortunately, Lauren went thr...

Have you ever heard of the "Welcome to Holland" story? I had heard of it, but never read it until about a week ago. It is written by Emily Perl Kingsley, a mom to a son with special needs. It is not specific to Autism, it can apply to any disability. Here it is: When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy. But there's been a change in the flight plan...

I had someone very close to me ask me this question many years ago, "why do you stay in touch with so many of Dominic's old teachers, therapists, social workers, etc.?" The reason is actually quite simple, every single person that Dominic has met, whether they realize it or not, has made an impact on him. I have said this before and I'll say it again. When you become a parent of a special needs child, it's not like someone hands you a manual and says, "here you go, this has everything you will ever need to know about school, toilet training, puberty, etc.!" It would be great if there was, but unfortunately that's not the way life works. People will make comments and judge knowing absolutely nothing about you, your family or your circumstances. You may lose the friendships of other special needs parents along the way because you don't agree with the treatments they give their children (I have). You will learn to become a HUGE advocat...

Two weeks ago, I helped host a Special Needs Holiday Party.  I had Santa and Nana Claus lined up to make their appearance about 3 p.m. I had told Dominic that they were coming ahead of time, but since I have never taken him in the past to see them, I was a little apprehensive how he would act.  I took Lauren to see Santa a handful of times when she was little, but I guess I thought that Dominic wouldn't be able to handle it, so I never even attempted it. When Santa and Nana arrived, I went over to them and introduced myself because I had never met them in person, we had only corresponded by e-mail. They were so sweet and were circulating around the tables talking to everybody. When Dominic saw them, he decided to get as far as he could away from them. We had a large group and there were many that wanted to sit on Santa's lap. I was busy taking pictures and every so often, I would look over and Dominic was still on the other side of the room. I explained to Santa ...

Last Thursday morning, we had Dominic's Individualized Education Program meeting (IEP). For those unfamiliar with what an IEP is, it is a document laying out objectives, goals and services for your student if they are in the special education system. Dominic has had an IEP since he started in the public school system when he was three years old. When I had talked to the school psychologist recently (before the IEP) about areas Dominic could improve in, I had mentioned that Dominic didn't really hang out or have play dates with other boys his age outside of school, go to sleepovers or do those other things 13-year old boys do. It doesn't really bother Dominic and I, but at the same time, I feel it would be good for him socially to be around kids his own age. I think it's a common thought for special needs parents. Anyways, Dominic's IEP went well and I mentioned it would be great for Dominic to get more socialization. The others at the IEP, which included his ...

Earlier in the summer, I was asked by one of the managers at the Goldfish Swim School if we wanted to "move," Dominic up to the next level since he has been at the beginner level since he started back in April of 2015. I said, "has he learned all the skills to go to the next level?" She told me that he hadn't. I told her the original reason we had started lessons for Dominic at the Swim School was because when we were on a trip to Jamaica earlier in 2015, Dominic and I had started to drown in the resort pool and had to be rescued by the lifeguard. I told her that I didn't want him to be moved up until he learned all the skills in the beginner level. Dominic is twice the age and size of a majority of the kids taking lessons there, but it doesn't matter to Dominic and I. I've never heard any parents make comments or point or anything like that. What this picture doesn't show is everything he has learned in the past 17 months, like having to ...

In the Fall of 2015, I took Dominic along with me to a local horse farm to meet the owner.  It was a relatively quick visit, but I think it made a big impression on him. This past Sunday, we went back to the horse farm because I wanted to plan some events for the two non-profit organizations I volunteer for. The owner of the horse farm having met Dominic once before, remembered how anxious and wound up he got around the dogs, so she had put her dogs in the backyard of her house where there was a fence. Pretty incredibly thoughtful, don't you think? At one point during our visit, I started to scold Dominic because I thought he was taunting the dogs. I soon figured out that he was playing with them - Dominic would come to the fence and three of the dogs would start barking and then he would run to the other end of the fence and the dogs would run with him! It was a beautiful day and Dominic went in and out of the barn (where he fed a horse out of the palm of his hand), walked around...

When our family moved to Michigan over 14 years ago, one of the very first things we did was join a church. We are blessed to be part of such a great faith community. About a year and a half ago, a gal that I knew, but not really, really well, (Mrs. F) approached us after Mass. She was telling our family how her older daughter had worked over the summer with special needs children. A few days later, she sent me this message: "Cathy, I don't think I was very eloquent because I hadn't thought out exactly what I wanted to say. But I was thinking about you all summer. I guess what i wanted to tell you was how much I admire you and your husband. Dom is your son and I know you would do anything for him, just as you do for Lauren and your stepson. But still, you are so incredibly patient and loving...and just amazing. You are lucky to have Dom in your life...but Dom is also a very blessed little boy. That is really what I wanted to say." Wow, I thought she ...

Dominic was so excited for today!  He and his sixth-grade classmates were going to a movie at a movie theater! What's really cool is that he will be able to order his own "snacks."  I asked him what he was going to eat.  He told me, "popcorn and pop!"  Wow, what an incredible opportunity for Dominic's class, don't you think?  When I was in sixth grade, the special education students were kept so separate from the rest of the school that we rarely saw them, much less have any interaction with them. The administration at Dominic's school goes above and beyond to make sure that he and his classmates always feel "included." Back in October, I got this e-mail from Dominic's teacher: "I printed out 100 sign up forms for peer-to-peer this year and I got a call from the front office this morning telling me we ran out and I needed to print out more :)" As if that wasn't cool enough, in November, I got this e-mail: "...

As a new disability ministry in the area, we have a lot to prove. We have to show that what we do is helping others AND is needed.  As program director, I am constantly looking for different programs for our “special” individuals and families. Since April, we have had three special needs Masses, two worship services, a picnic and just recently, a music event at the Michigan State University Community Music School. Our average attendance (not including the picnic) has been holding steady at about 30. The picnic surpassed all expectations and we had about 100 people! One of the gals that brought some wonderful individuals from a group home to the picnic, told me to my face, “there isn’t much out there for older disabled adults to participate in.”   Hmm, I found that quite sad. My son is just 11, but in seven years he will be an adult. The thought of him having very little programs and activities available to him when he reaches 18 is not a thought I like!   That’s wh...

When you and your daughter came up to Dominic and I that Monday afternoon in the dairy aisle at Meijer  and started talking to us, I know you had no idea what I had been through the previous 48 hours. The past Saturday, I had to call 911 because Dominic had a seizure and was unresponsive. I bet you didn't know that he went by ambulance to the hospital and that he had to be wheeled in on a stretcher and unfortunately this was not his first ride in an ambulance.  I bet you didn't know that I had to promise Dominic a meal from McDonald's if he lay still while the technicians did the CT scan of his brain. I wasn't able to tell you that day that he was discharged after a couple of hours because all of this tests were normal. I know that you didn't know that Sunday afternoon we had a fellowship service for the disability ministry that I am the program director for and when I got home, I found out that a beloved priest, who did our very firs...

In the Fall of 2014, I applied to take a training session to work at the libraries in our school district. I didn't make the "list" and while I felt a bit disappointed, I knew deep down in my heart that opportunity was not the one for me. My life was already very full of helping transition and guide Lauren through her first year of college, helping to manage my mother's care in a nursing home, co-teach a first grade religious education class, guiding my father through all the challenges of living alone and getting Dominic adjusted to middle school. At the back of my mind though, I had this feeling that I wanted to be doing more, but I just didn't know what that "more" was. I don't think I would qualify the way I felt to be a mid-life "crisis," but I definitely knew I had reached a "crossroads" in my life. I thought about looking for a job or going back to college. Neither of those two ideas seemed like the right "fit."  ...

Last Saturday, Dominic had a session with his private speech therapist. We had not seen her since January, due to circumstances beyond our control. I wasn't quite sure how he would do, given it had been so long since he had seen her. He definitely didn't have very good eye contact with her, but during the session he did say, "I love you, mommy!" Okay, tissue moment #1 (for both her and I ) . Getting Dominic potty trained was definitely one of the biggest parenting challenges I have ever faced. Even though he is heading towards being 11 years old, we still have to "prompt" him to use the toilet every 2-3 hours. I'm ecstatic that he will go "on command," but in the back of my mind, I know he needs to be able to recognize that "feeling" of needing to go. Well, in the past week, he has told me three separate times that he had to go! Yep, tissue moment #2 .     Dominic has been to a barber shop a grand total of two times in...

When I first got the diagnosis of Dominic having Autism back in 2007, I spent two weeks feeling sorry for myself. I think it's extremely important to go through that process, so you can move forward. During that two week time frame, one thing I really wish I could have read was an article or blog posts about having a child with special needs, what it was really like and how it affects the entire family. I felt so alone during those two weeks, like I was the only one out there with a child with Autism. I didn't want to read a blog that was negative, but rather one that was inspirational and positive. Before I started writing my blog in July of 2011, I had many doubts. Would anybody read it? Would I get a bunch of negative comments saying things like, "are you some kind of expert?" or "who do you think you are writing a blog!?!" Since I have a business degree and not a journalism degree, I wondered if I would have enough "material" to make a blog int...

Dominic has been having Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings yearly, since he entered the public school system at age three.  Back at the end of October,  my husband and I attended the first IEP meeting at his new middle school. When it came time for Dominic’s teacher, Miss Elena, to speak, I knew I wanted to ask her when the new peer-to-peer program was due to start.  For children with Autism (like Dominic), knowing the appropriate social communicative skills to use with their peers is challenging and difficult. As Miss Elena started to fill us in on how he was progressing, the hubby and I were pleased to find out that he seemed to be adapting well to his new school. Before I could ask the question about the peer-to-peer program, Miss Elena started telling us that about a week or so before Dominic’s IEP meeting, she had put a sign up sheet out by the main office in the morning with space for 20-25 students to sign their names. When she went around lunchtime t...

We recently went to visit a family friend (Uncle M.) at his apartment.  This particular friend became blind as a baby and wears sunglasses and uses a walking cane. In the over 20+ years I have known him, I don't remember him ever once complaining about it or feeling sorry for himself. In fact, he is one of the most independent men I have ever met!  He is the sweetest man ever and the hubby and I think of him as a brother and the "kids" think of him as an uncle. Uncle M. has owned his own place for over 20 years, has a full-time job in Washington, DC (he takes the subway), has tons of friends, a girlfriend and can play the drums (he played at our wedding). Anyways, Dominic made himself at home and started running around in the apartment. We were telling him to stop, but it wasn't until Uncle M. told him, "be careful buddy!" that he actually did. Since we were visiting around dinner time, we were debating whether to go out or order carry-out. We opted to go ou...