Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Eye-Opening View into Dominic's "World"

Before I had Dominic, I had absolutely NO CLUE what Autism was. As I have mentioned before, my only frame of reference was the movie, Rain Man.  I thought all children and adults with Autism lived in institutions and were non-verbal (and, if they did talk, it was to themselves). I also thought they were unable to show emotions. Wow, what a different "view" I have now. I think if I could put the past eight years since Dominic's diagnosis into two words, it would be, "eye-opening." I have learned that not all children and adults live in institutions. Some do, but a lot don't. Yes, there are children and adults that are non-verbal, but that doesn't mean they can't hear. Lauren told me once her thoughts on Autism. She said, "mom, every child is "in there," you just have to find a way to reach them." What a profound statement, wouldn't you say? I have had people ask me whether the "window has closed" for Dominic. The "window," meaning the "window of opportunity" which many parents of children with Autism, see as a limited amount of time into which to "pull" your child out of the "world of Autism." Well, I can only speak for myself, but I can tell you with almost complete certainty, Dominic's "window" is wide-open and will continue to stay that way. I advocate for him all the time. As a parent, whether your child has special needs or not, isn't that what we do? Okay, I have saved the best for last. Emotion. Yep, at one time, I thought all individuals with Autism were unable to show emotion or understand the feelings of others. While some children and adults do "fit" into that category, there are quite a few that don't, Dominic included. When my mother-in-law passed away back in January of 2011, it was a tough, tough time. The only way we could keep Dominic quiet during the funeral Mass was letting him play with a Game Boy. Yes, I know, some would consider it inappropriate, but at that time, it was my only option. Last week, Dominic said to me, "Grandma lives in Heaven, I miss her." Wow. You could have knocked me over with a feather. While he has said, "Grandma lives in Heaven," multiple times in the past few months, last week, was the first time he said that he "missed" her. You can't tell me that he doesn't remember that time.


What I have always thought about the way Dominic thinks, is this - he hears everything, but filters out what he doesn't want to hear and keeps the rest "filed" away for use at a later time. This past Saturday, when we were in church, there was a little baby crying. Without missing a beat, Dominic said, "baby is sad." I told him, "yes, the baby is sad."  This morning, shortly before Dominic's bus came to pick him up for school, he came over to me and while my back was turned, he hit my arm. He was just playing around, but sometimes, he doesn't know his own strength and it startled me. I said, "ow, that hurt!!" The first thing out of Dominic's mouth was, "I'm so sorry, Mommy!" He got himself so upset that he started crying. He even said, "feeling sorry with himself." Dominic kept repeating, "I'm sorry," over and over again. I reassured him that I was okay and that I knew it was an accident. But, I also told him that he shouldn't hit. Dominic continues to "open" my eyes a little wider each day into his "world" and I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Winning Fair and Square

A few weeks ago, the hubby, Dominic and I went bowling.


We played two games. Dominic won the first game and the hubby won the second game. We didn't "let" Dominic win the first game, he beat us, "fair and square." When you play a board game with your child, do you "bend" the rules to make it easier for them to beat you? This past weekend, Lauren was home visiting from college. I asked her if she wanted to play a game. I wanted to play Yatzhee or Trouble, but she said she wanted to play a game that was based on skill, not luck. I guess I'm the reverse. We ended up playing Scrabble. That game is a little bit of luck and a little bit of skill, so it was a good compromise. I like the old adage, "it's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game."  I think sometimes as parents, it's easy to get so caught up in winning, that we don't teach our kids how to lose. I will never, ever forget a soccer game where I was the goalie. I was probably like 15 or 16 years old. The team we were playing against was clearly much better than we were. I remember a parent on the opposing team yelling something on the sidelines like, "come on, we can score a goal on her, she isn't very good!" Wow. This happened over 40 years ago and I STILL remember it.  It's great to win, but isn't it also okay if we lose? I think it is so important to teach good sportsmanship. Okay, hold on, because I'm hopping onto my "soapbox."  Not every child wins a ribbon or trophy, but shouldn't they get something for trying??  Do you see the big smile on Dominic's face? The yellow certificate is a "participation" certificate.


I think ALL kids should get one of those types of certificates, whether they have special needs or not. Whether your child does music, art, drama or whatever else they choose, my opinion is that they should at a minimum, get some form of recognition for all of their hard work. Whether that means their name is called out over a loud speaker at a sporting event, receiving a "participation" certificate or just having their name listed in a music, art or drama program. Okay, I'm hopping back off my "soapbox" now!! What about you? what are your thoughts? Should your children get "participation" certificates or ribbons? Have you ever "let" your child win when you've played a game with them, just to make them happy? or, do you always play "fair and square?"

Friday, January 16, 2015

Why I Write About Dominic's Autism

When I first got the diagnosis of Dominic having Autism back in 2007, I spent two weeks feeling sorry for myself. I think it's extremely important to go through that process, so you can move forward. During that two week time frame, one thing I really wish I could have read was an article or blog posts about having a child with special needs, what it was really like and how it affects the entire family. I felt so alone during those two weeks, like I was the only one out there with a child with Autism. I didn't want to read a blog that was negative, but rather one that was inspirational and positive. Before I started writing my blog in July of 2011, I had many doubts. Would anybody read it? Would I get a bunch of negative comments saying things like, "are you some kind of expert?" or "who do you think you are writing a blog!?!" Since I have a business degree and not a journalism degree, I wondered if I would have enough "material" to make a blog interesting to read. Well, I needn't have worried about that. Good grief, I'm involved in so many things at any one time and have my hands in so many "pots," that I could write posts three times a day! Anyways, as this blog has evolved over the past three and half years, one topic I write about often is Dominic's Autism.


I always try to stay positive and I hope that I inspire other parents of children with special needs to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on moving forward. If you don't know anyone with special needs or Autism, then I hope you have enjoyed getting to know my family better and what it's like for us. I hope when I put a post on where I talk about Dominic, that another parent out there in the same situation can say to themselves, "okay, I'm not alone after all!" or maybe they find what I write amusing and it puts a smile on their face. With 1 in 68 children being diagnosed with Autism in 2014, chances are you know someone who has a child with Autism or your own child has Autism. Earlier this week, I read this comment from a parent who has a child with special needs in regards to my recent post about Dominic and I having a conversation:

We are getting closer to this every day, I can't wait!

Cool. Now, a comment like THAT is exactly why I write about Dominic's Autism!!!

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Conversations with Dominic

When I heard Dominic running down the stairs and into the family room at 6:30 a.m. this morning, my first thought was, what in the world is he going to do with the two hours before his bus arrives? Would he play with his toys? the i-Pad? rest on the couch? When I asked Dominic what today was, he told me, "riding a bus to get to Kinawa (his middle school), pizza!" Yep, every Thursday I let him get hot lunch, which always includes pizza.  If Dominic had his way, EVERY day would be pizza day :) LOL. Next up for him was breakfast. I told him I would be making homemade waffles and would let him know when they were ready. When his "order" was up, he came dancing into the kitchen to get them. He then remarked, "Grandma lives in heaven." Well, yesterday was the four year anniversary of when my mother-in-law passed away.  It was tough not to grab a tissue and dab my eyes. Next, Dominic said, "Lauren?" I told him that she wasn't here. He then said, "Lauren is at college!" Yep, she went back to start her second semester this past Sunday. Dominic then told me, "Miss Mary on Saturday!" Miss Mary is his private speech therapist that we started seeing during the summer of last year and we continue to see her on Saturday mornings. I told him, "thanks for reminding me, I need to write that down on the calendar!" There was a time in the not so distant past, when we would have to "guess" what he was thinking and wonder if we would ever be able to carry on a conversation with him.


There was no guessing this morning as to what Dominic was thinking, that's for sure - he let me know all about it! I can't wait for him to come from school this afternoon and "tell" me all about his day. I'm sure at the top of the list will be how much he enjoyed his pizza at lunch!

Friday, January 2, 2015

A Mom is ALWAYS Prepared!

In the Fall of 2014, I started co-teaching a religious education class. During one of the classes recently, as I was reading a portion of the lesson, I heard one of the little boys in the class say, "my finger is bleeding!" About half the class went over to "investigate," and everything came to a grinding halt. His finger definitely needed a Band-Aid, so I told him. "hold on, let me check my purse!" He was like, "purse?" Sure enough, within seconds, I had located one and quickly put it on his finger. I think he was glad I was prepared! Since it took us until Dominic was over eight years old to get him potty trained, I always had a diaper or a Pull-Up on me at all times. Even though Lauren is now an adult, she has been known on more than one occasion to say, "mom, do you have anything to eat in your purse?" I don't cart around a three course meal in there, but I do make sure I have at least one granola bar! Sometimes I still wish I carried a diaper bag, because you could put all kinds of stuff in there.  While smaller purses are cute, I often wondered, where would a mom with kids out of diapers put things her kids might need?!?! You can only fit so much in a pocket! I have tried carrying a smaller purse, but it just didn't feel like, "me." I guess I'm just one of those gals that likes a big purse! My family and I traveled back to Maryland for the holidays and we stayed the entire time at my parents house. One of the days we were there, I was searching for Dominic's medication and literally turned their house upside down trying to find it! My dad was watching me and I think he was wondering what the heck I was doing. I had already checked my purse once, but decided maybe I should look again. Guess what? The medication was in there! Good grief. Wouldn't it be great if our children came with an "owner's" manual? That's unrealistic because each child is different! According to Dictionary.com, prepared means, "properly expectant, organized or equipped; ready." As moms, aren't we always ready for anything? If your child falls down and scrapes their knee, don't we always have a hug or a kiss available to wipe away the tears? I have been known to give another mom a Kleenex when her child has a runny nose. When we are preparing to travel in the car for hours, I pack up a "snack bag" full of pretzels, etc. Sometimes, we don't even make it out of our neighborhood, before Dominic or Lauren will say, "I'm hungry!" From a very young age, I guess I've had the "mom" instinct. I loved my "dollies," when I was little and I tried to always "mother" them.  My own mom was a stay-at-home mom for a long time and I knew that I always wanted to be one too. Yesterday, Dominic and I made some homemade pumpkin muffins because two of Lauren's friends were coming over to our house to visit and I know they like them. Later in the evening, Lauren was seeing two of her former "cheer" buddies. I put together a plate of muffins and told Lauren to give them to her friends. I wrote a little note on top and said, "Love, Mom "B." I am always "prepared" to share my love of baking!


Monday, December 22, 2014

Keeping Your "Cool" During the Holidays

Saturday morning, the kids and I ran into the local Target to get a few last minute items for Christmas. The store wasn't too crowded and the lines weren't long. When I got to the register, I started putting my items onto the conveyor belt. I heard one of the clerks at one of the other registers say, "this lane is now open." I saw a gal out of the corner of my eye coming with her cart behind me. I said to her, "do you have enough room to squeeze by me?" She didn't respond, but instead shoved her cart through, hitting me along the way. I looked at the clerk waiting on me and said, "that lady just hit me!" He said something like, "it's that time of year." I'm sorry, but it's never okay to ram a cart into someone. I looked right at him and said, "after you finish ringing me up, I think I'm going to go over and talk to her, don't you think I should?" The clerk said, "you probably shouldn't, how about I knock $5.00 off your total bill!?!?!?!?" I told him he didn't need to, but he did anyways :) Since Lauren had been walking Dominic around the store while I was checking out, I started to recant my story to her as we were pushing our cart back. As we approached the lines of empty carts, a young dad with a baby carrier was coming into the store. I said, "do you want our cart?"  As he put his son into the cart, Dominic said, "little baby!"  I asked the dad, "do you mind if we take a look?" He was like, "sure!" This sweet little baby was chewing away on his pacifier and I said, "Lauren used to love hers!" He smiled and we chatted for just a bit more. I have thought a few times about our trip to the Target. I could have easily chose to get into it with the woman that hit me with her cart. I think it was a much better choice that the kids saw me keep my "cool!"

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

I Would Not Change Him for the World

When Lauren left for college in August, it was hard on all of us, but I think it was the hardest for Dominic.


Ever since he was born, she has been there for him. The separation for the two of them has been difficult at times, but I have raised both of the "kids" to be strong people and they are coping as best as they can.  Lauren took a Freshman Writing class this past semester and her grade was based on her writing "portfolio," which included three writing assignments. A few months ago, she asked me if it was okay if she wrote about Dominic for one of the three assignments. I was curious what she would write and I saw a rough draft recently, but hadn't seen the finished "product." Yesterday, I read it. Anybody got a case of tissues? Wow, my sweet daughter blew me away. These particular sentences were so heartwarming to hear as a mom:

"the lessons of patience and understanding that I have learned from Dominic are invaluable, and he truly proves society’s assumptions wrong. Dominic is different from other kids his age, but he carries extraordinary importance in my life. Dominic does have autism, but that is just part of who he is. Mostly, he is just like any other typical 10-year-old little brother, and still does a lot of the mischievous behaviors that little brothers do. Although getting my little brother to where he is now has certainly been a journey, I would not change him for the world." 

Hey, I thought I was the writer in this family?!?!?!?! She definitely has a way with words, doesn't she? By the way, Lauren found out a few days ago that she got an "A" on her writing portfolio! Yahoo!