Tuesday, August 16, 2016

What This Picture Doesn't Show

Earlier in the summer, I was asked by one of the managers at the Goldfish Swim School if we wanted to "move," Dominic up to the next level since he has been at the beginner level since he started back in April of 2015. I said, "has he learned all the skills to go to the next level?" She told me that he hadn't. I told her the original reason we had started lessons for Dominic at the Swim School was because when we were on a trip to Jamaica earlier in 2015, Dominic and I had started to drown in the resort pool and had to be rescued by the lifeguard. I told her that I didn't want him to be moved up until he learned all the skills in the beginner level. Dominic is twice the age and size of a majority of the kids taking lessons there, but it doesn't matter to Dominic and I. I've never heard any parents make comments or point or anything like that. What this picture doesn't show is everything he has learned in the past 17 months, like having to adapt to new instructors (he is on his third one), gaining self-confidence and having to be patient and wait his turn during the swim lessons. After his class is over, we go over to the dressing room and I assist him in getting his dry clothes on. About a month ago, I said, "hey, do you want to get dressed by yourself?" His response, "yes." I said, "mommy is out here if you need me!" After about a minute, I said, "do you need any help? do you need me to come in?" His response, "no!" Well, that sounds about right for a 12-year old boy!! LOL. There are showers located in the swim area and I ask almost every single time after his lesson if he wants to try and rinse off. His response is always a resounding, "no." He is terrified of taking a shower, I'm guessing it's the sensory aspect of it. He still has a hard time verbalizing his "reasons," for why he won't do something. That is a continual "work in progress." I'm hoping it will be like when he "asked," last summer for a haircut. He has to be the one to initiate the process. We shall see. Last Friday, after Dominic's class was over, I was handed this:

He was "moved," up to the "Glider," level!! I think my smile was as wide as his! We have tried soccer and baseball and it didn't seem to be the right, "fit." I'm hoping that swimming will be.  Michael Phelps, watch out!

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

It's Not the Same

My mom and I growing up were very close. When she was diagnosed with end-stage congestive heart failure in the Fall of 2014, none of us in our family knew what to expect.

She was given just a few months, but she has defied the odds and is still here. Since her diagnosis, because she is not getting enough oxygen to her brain, her personality has changed. For me, watching this process has been heartbreaking. Little by little, she has left us and the person I talk to on the phone one to four times a day is not the same person I grew up with. I have come to terms with that and while I won't say it's been easier, let's just say since I took that mind set, I've been able to handle it better. Day before yesterday, she called me. I said, "hi, Mom how's it going?" Her response, "I'm still alive." That kind of comment would really have made me incredibly sad a year ago, but I just let it go in one ear and out the other. Yesterday morning at 7:30, right when the hubby was going out the door to work and I had about 20 minutes to get Dominic ready for his bus that takes him to summer school, the phone rang. It was my mom on the other end, very upset. Evidently, the facility where she lives told her she had an appointment at 8 a.m. that she didn't know about.  I took a few moments and tried to calm her down and then said, "mom, Dominic's bus is coming soon and I really need to go get him ready." My mom responded, "yeah, you go get Dominic ready for school, I'll just lie here!" I didn't have time to get upset and unfortunately more and more of the conversations I have with her turn out like that.  I am by nature a caregiver and I feel at a total loss because I am not able to help her. I have only been in this situation once before and it was with my mother-in-law. She had advanced dementia and eventually forgot how to swallow, went into hospice and it was fairly quick before she passed away. We have talked about hospice for my mom in the past and she has made it very clear she doesn't want it. I talk to my dad every evening. It's been really hard on him to watch my mom decline as she has, they have been married over 50 years. I tell my father that mom is a different person, she is not the same. Hopefully, it brings him a tiny bit of comfort. It has now been over a day and my mom hasn't called me. I know that she probably will not apologize for the way she talked to me. This has become my new "normal," with my mom.