New School, New Concerns

Last night, the hubby took me by surprise by what he said. I was telling him that Dominic and I would be heading to the high school to get his class pictures on Friday. He said, "I wonder if Dominic will be bullied." As one who was bullied in high school, it immediately brought back the feelings I try to keep buried, bubbling to the surface. I graduated 36 years ago, but it takes just a split second to feel that familiar sadness and anger. A definition of a bully according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary is:

"one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable."

There were a couple groups of girls that thrived on bullying me. They would continue to threaten me until I gave them what they wanted, to see me cry. I played sports with some of these girls, so at times it was very unpleasant. When I became a parent, I hoped that my children wouldn't be bullied. Unfortunately, Lauren went through a time when she was bullied in school. It was so hard to not want to go to the parents and say something. I really had to restrain myself. I think the hubby and I both have concerns with Dominic, given the fact that he has kind of been like in a "cocoon" at the two middle schools he attended. He has been with the same group of kids for several years and he is accepted 100% for the person he is. The high school he is going to is several times larger than where he just finished eighth grade. So, that's one challenge. Another challenge is that everything will be NEW. New rooms, new bus driver, new routines. Dominic likes to talk to himself when he is over-stimulated. Will the kids that don't know him, think that's weird? or strange? I am on social media a lot because I manage the Facebook pages of two non-profit organizations specifically for those with Autism and other special needs. I see the awful videos and articles of kids being bullied. I feel sad for those kids and I don't even know them. How will I feel if I find out Dominic is being bullied? He doesn't have the language to be able to tell me. He doesn't pick up on social cues very well, so he wouldn't even know if someone was treating him mean. That's what breaks my heart in half, the fact that he won't be able to recognize if he is being bullied. Through my connections that I have with other parents who have had their children at the high school, I can say, that I have never heard of any child being bullied. I will keep my fingers crossed, as Dominic heads to school on August 27 that he will not be the first one.

Advice for the New School Year

"Dominic is one of the brightest individuals I met. I was very lucky to have him in my classroom this summer. He definitely made me a fan of Wheel of Fortune. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to call." 

Wow. That was the note I got from Dominic's teacher on his last day of summer school.  Those four sentences are exactly what I LOVE to hear. When you have a child with limited or no speech and you ask them how their day is at school, you either get silence or very few details. This is the way it has been since Dominic started school at age three. He just turned 14 on July 25. We have been so lucky to have gotten fabulous teachers who call, write notes, e-mail or text.  I admire and appreciate all Special Education teachers, paraprofessionals, aides, speech therapists and anyone else that works with kids/adults in the school system. I know I couldn't do it. Back when we were just starting out, I talked to another mom about her "experiences" with our local school system. She had nothing but negative things to say. Her philosophy was to constantly battle and fight. Hmm. If I had listened and BELIEVED this gal, yikes. My "operating style" is to not believe in gossip and to give everyone a fair chance before forming my own opinion.  As I found out later, this gal had quite the reputation and not in a good way! Needless to say, I distanced myself from her. When we started on this Special Education school "journey," I didn't even know what an Individualized Education Program (IEP) was. I do now. I have always treated anyone that interacts with Dominic in the school system with the utmost respect. They meet many different types of families. I want our family to be remembered in a positive way. Now that we are into August, many schools will be getting ready to open their doors for the coming school year. Since I have over a decade of experience under my "belt," with the Special Education school system, here are some words of advice. Parents and caregivers - if you are just starting out, try to work with and not against those that interact with your child. Always keep the lines of communication open and don't let a small issue become HUGE. Don't expect the school system to do EVERYTHING for your child. That is unrealistic. You need to be a full participant in knowing what is going on with your child. To those special education teachers, aides, social workers and everyone else that comes in contact with those differently-abled in the school system, we know that your job can be frustrating, exhausting and hard at times. I apologize for those parents/caregivers that make your job difficult. It can take a while to accept that your child has special needs. Some parents are never able to accept it. I can only speak on behalf of my husband and I, but since Dominic isn't able to verbalize to us what happens at school everyday, my husband and really appreciate the extra time it takes to call, e-mail, text or write us a note! Here's to a great school year!