We Don't Take Him Out in Public

With Dominic fully immersed in adolescence, it's not often I think back to the time when he was non-verbal, had no eye-contact and was difficult to manage. One of Dominic's favorite things to do when he was young, was run from the backyard to our front yard and into the street. He had no sense of danger and could care less if there was a car going by. Many times when we called his name, he would just ignore us. I would break into a full sweat at just the thought of taking him to the Kroger. When I did venture out, I brought Lauren along and when Dominic would start having a meltdown, I took out my anger on Lauren. It wasn't fair to her and I knew that at the time, but unfortunately, Lauren bore the brunt of my frustration. I never knew what pure exhaustion was until I had Dominic. Taking care of a child/adult with different needs is 24/7. As Dominic has gotten older and we have worked with him, it has gotten much easier to take him out and about, travel, etc. The only challenge we have now is that he is 3-4 inches taller than me and he doesn't know his own strength. This past Sunday, one of the non-profit organizations I volunteer with had a "Sensory Friendly" event at our local pet store. We had the whole store to ourselves, so the participants don't have to worry if their child had a meltdown or covered their ears. No explaining to the other parents needed to be done, we ALL understand. For me personally, there is something extremely comforting about that. Anyways, since this particular event is so popular, we decided to have two groups (each 30 minutes long). Dominic came along with me, which that in itself is a MAJOR thing. He has had "issues" in the past with animals, but he can pick up on the "vibe" of the pet store, which is very laid-back, plus he had been there once before. 

Our first session went fabulous and everyone had a wonderful time. As soon as the second session started, Dominic saw a fly. He is petrified of any type of bug, so he started getting visibly upset. I told him he could step out of the room we were in, but to stay nearby so I could keep my eye on him. That worked well until one of the times I went out to check on him, someone was walking by and I grabbed him from behind and told him to wait. That didn't go over too well and his frustration level rose. Dominic's private speech therapist and I have been working for months on helping him regulate his feelings and if he feels the need to hit, we tell him to hit a pillow. At home, he will sometimes hit a door or a window, which still isn't the best, but it's still a work in "progress."  Well, since there was no pillow at the pet store, he started hitting his head with his hands. I felt 100% helpless and could feel that old, familiar frustration I felt when he would meltdown in public many years ago. I had a room full of people, so I pushed that feeling down and stayed calm while Dominic was hitting himself in the head, assuring him that we would be going soon and that he was okay. He calmed down relatively quickly. He continued to stay outside the room and I went back in. In this second group, there was a family with three boys on the Autism Spectrum and the other family had a little boy (about 3 or 4) with Autism. The little boy was fascinated by the animals in their cages, I don't think he sat down the whole half hour! He had a smile on his face the whole time, you would have thought he grew up in the pet store, he was that comfortable! As I was chatting with the mom, I said something along the lines of "oh, have you ever taken him to a pet store before?' Her response floored me. She said, "no, we don't take him out in public." At first, I felt like sobbing, because I felt so sad for the family, but then I thought, that was exactly what I did when Dominic was the little boy's age. I was that mom. I would stay home with him, because it was so difficult to take him out. I was so glad that all the families that came to the pet store made the effort to leave the cozy confines of their homes to venture out and try something new. It is much more comfortable to stay at home. There is no judgement, dirty looks or rude comments. I know that not all parents with special needs children and adults want to go to "separate" events. What I like to say to those parents is this - it is just an "option." It doesn't mean you have to go, just because you or someone you care for has a disability. I think that is why I am so incredibly passionate about wanting to help others differently-abled. It was such a lonely and isolating time when Dominic was younger that I don't ever want another parent to feel the way that I did.  I don't say that to make you feel sorry for me, it's just the way it was!!