bountifulplate

  Dominic has been in a special education classroom since he was three years old. Just in the past couple of years, he has been getting report cards with a "letter" grade. For a lot of children, paying them for good grades is a big motivator.  Dominic is motivated by positive praise. Always has been and probably always will be. During the day at school, he doesn't have a "typical" class schedule. Most of his time is spent in his classroom. Dominic does get "mainstreamed," into a few classes, like Choir, so it's like he is getting the best of both worlds. I have said this before and I'll say it again, when Dominic was first diagnosed with Autism at age 2 1/2, I had very low expectations for him. I knew absolutely no one at the time that had a child with Autism and I had so many doubts as to what he could achieve. How would I parent him? would it be similar to raising Lauren? For example, teaching Lauren to take a shower was relatively simple...

When Dominic started seventh grade back in August, one of the electives he picked was Choir. I liked that he wanted to do Choir, because it meant that he would be with many of the same kids he has been with for the past couple of years. At the concerts, about 75% of the time he doesn’t sing, but stands there. He always gets assistance from one of the guys or gals to help him know where to stand and when to follow the choir when they go on and off the stage. No one seems to care that he isn’t singing, I’m just happy that he can stand there for long amounts of time and not fidget too much. That in itself is an accomplishment for a child with Autism, ADHD and Epilepsy. Last month, after his Fall concert was over and the hubby and I were sitting in our seats and packing up our stuff, one of the girls in the choir came over and kissed Dominic on the cheek, it was very sweet. As we were leaving the auditorium, a bunch of his choir “mates,” were telling him what a good job he h...

Back a few weeks ago, I "snapped," at Dominic. Lauren used to call it "barks." I typically reserve my louder, "bark-like," voice for when I think the situation calls for it.  Dominic didn't really do anything, I was stressed because I was running late and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. You could say, I lost my patience. Anyways, he got upset. After I calmed down a little I said, "I'm sorry, do you forgive me?" He said, "no." I was like, "excuse me?"  I repeated my apology again and he said, "no." This went on a few more times and then I let about 30-40 minutes go by before I repeated my apology again. This time, he accepted my apology. When I retold that story to my dad, he said, "does Dominic understand the concept of accepting an apology?" I was like, "yes, he most certainly does!" This past Sunday afternoon, I was resting on the couch in our living room. I have told Dom...

How many of you have ever seen someone, adult or child, have a grand mal seizure? It is pretty darn horrifying . Yep, that is about the best word I have to describe it. Never in a million years did I ever think Dominic would have Epilepsy. I thought I had a pretty good "handle," on the Autism thing until the grand mal seizure Dominic had in June of 2015. I was hoping and praying that he would just have the one and that would be it.  Little did I know, there would be four more seizures (not grand mal), the most recent at the end of June of 2016. Do I ever fully relax when Dominic is at school, even though they have an emergency plan for him? Nope. Do I let him stay with a babysitter? Nope. I am in constant "high alert," status when he is not with me. It's really, really hard not to be, believe me I've tried. The only thing I knew about Epilepsy prior to Dominic's first seizure was that you have to put the person on their side. I had presence of mi...

Okay, Dominic is still my "baby," isn't he?!?!?! He likes to sit on my lap and snuggle. Hmm, considering that he is almost as tall as me and will be 13 next July, that probably won't be for too much longer. I have a little bit of experience with puberty with a boy since I've known my stepson since he was six, but our relationship is like that of a really good friend, it's always been that way. If he had any questions about anything private, he didn't ask me.  Lauren's transition in and out of puberty I could understand, since we are both women. Dominic, so far, is totally unlike anything I've ever experienced before. With the Autism, developmentally, he is behind those of his "typically-developing," peers, but I can tell you from the physical and emotional standpoint, he is right on "track." Shortly after he turned 11 last year, Lauren was telling me that she could "smell" Dominic. That's not a good thing. I ca...

Back in July, I heard about a young, "semi-famous," young lady, Dani Mathers (she was Playboy Playmate of the Year ), putting a picture that she "claimed," was meant for a friend on Snapchat showing an older gal undressing in a women's locker room. The picture showed her stifling a laugh with the quote, "If I can’t unsee this then you can’t either.” Wow . Okay, I have lots to say about this, so hang on tight for this soapbox "rant."  First of all, when you are in a women's locker room, it's PRIVATE . You don't sit there taking pictures of someone else, especially while they are undressing. The woman who got her picture taken could press criminal charges. I really hope that she does! Second, the older gal was in her 70's. I applaud her for going to the gym. Did Ms. Mathers know anything about the woman? is she married? have children? have grandchildren? That picture is out in the Internet forever. Did Ms. Mathers think about that ...

Earlier in the summer, I was asked by one of the managers at the Goldfish Swim School if we wanted to "move," Dominic up to the next level since he has been at the beginner level since he started back in April of 2015. I said, "has he learned all the skills to go to the next level?" She told me that he hadn't. I told her the original reason we had started lessons for Dominic at the Swim School was because when we were on a trip to Jamaica earlier in 2015, Dominic and I had started to drown in the resort pool and had to be rescued by the lifeguard. I told her that I didn't want him to be moved up until he learned all the skills in the beginner level. Dominic is twice the age and size of a majority of the kids taking lessons there, but it doesn't matter to Dominic and I. I've never heard any parents make comments or point or anything like that. What this picture doesn't show is everything he has learned in the past 17 months, like having to ...

Ever since I was a toddler, I have worried. When the first day of school would start approaching, I would work myself up to the point of making my stomach hurt. My mom would let me stay home and by the second day of school I was fine. I'm sure my friends at school were wondering why I  would always miss the first day. My second grade teacher thought there was something "wrong," with me because I didn't talk. Some of my classmates thought I was "stuck up," because I wouldn't talk to them. As I grew older and starting hosting family gatherings, my worrying would be off the "charts."  Even though I was 100% completely organized, again I would get myself worked up to the point of my stomach hurting. Once everyone would start to arrive I was fine, it was like the worrying was switched, "off." When the hubby and I would get an invitation to a social event, about 3-4 hours ahead of the event, I would start having a headache and a stomachache...

Dominic has "outgrown," some of his sensory issues, but not all. At church, he is usually okay with a man singing, but if a woman with a high-pitched voice is singing, he will plug his ears. I often wonder what that must feel like to him. I wish he was able to tell me. This past Saturday, since Dominic was in dire need of some nice dress shorts, we headed to Sears, because their clothes seem to fit him well. As we stepped into the boy's dressing room, there was a "ding-dong," chime that caught both Dominic and I off-guard. It was really loud, even to me.  Every time we went in and out of the dressing room, this is what he would do: The picture is kind of blurry, because he was practically sprinting out of the dressing room. He would continue to plug his ears until I reassured him it was fine. By about the third time we headed back to the dressing room, he was done, he kept saying, "time to go home, time to go home." I had to promise him McDon...

When Dominic was first diagnosed with Autism at 2 1/2 years old, I felt like I had tell EVERYONE. If he didn't talk when asked to, I would say, "oh, it's because he has autism." Fast forward to nine years later, the point we are at now. This past Sunday, I was at a wonderful event and I was meeting new people. I was chatting with two young women and I told both of them separately that Dominic had autism in the course of conversation.  Both of them had the same response back, "we thought so, but didn't want to ask." I told them basically they could ask me anything. I know that not all special needs parents are that way, but over these years, that is the parent I have evolved into. Anyways, recently I had a discussion with another special needs mom, though I'm not quite sure that I would call it that. It was more like I was in a courtroom and I was having to defend myself. Let me explain. I had a special needs mom tell me something a long, long time ag...

Recently, when I was heading back home from a meeting, I got lost. It would have been fine, except I had to be home to get Dominic off his school bus. I thought about calling my husband, the bus company or one of my friends to help me, but in my head I kept thinking I could make it home before Dominic. Well, I didn't get home until about ten minutes past the time he gets dropped off. As soon as I got home, I immediately called the bus company and explained my situation. They told me that Dominic was still with the bus driver and she would drop him off shortly. I don't think in all the years Lauren rode the bus, I ever missed getting her off the bus, or if I did, I had my husband or a friend greet her. When Dominic got dropped off that day, after I apologized profusely to the bus driver, I brought him inside the house. I kept telling him, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I was beyond distraught, I felt like I had let my son down . During my evening conversation th...

In the Fall of 2015, I took Dominic along with me to a local horse farm to meet the owner.  It was a relatively quick visit, but I think it made a big impression on him. This past Sunday, we went back to the horse farm because I wanted to plan some events for the two non-profit organizations I volunteer for. The owner of the horse farm having met Dominic once before, remembered how anxious and wound up he got around the dogs, so she had put her dogs in the backyard of her house where there was a fence. Pretty incredibly thoughtful, don't you think? At one point during our visit, I started to scold Dominic because I thought he was taunting the dogs. I soon figured out that he was playing with them - Dominic would come to the fence and three of the dogs would start barking and then he would run to the other end of the fence and the dogs would run with him! It was a beautiful day and Dominic went in and out of the barn (where he fed a horse out of the palm of his hand), walked around...

On our Spring Break 2015 trip to Jamaica, both Dominic and I almost drowned in the swimming pool at our hotel. I had went to the end of a water slide where the water was slightly above my head and Dominic followed me. I wasn't able to hold him up and we started sinking to the bottom of the pool. I put my arm up and the lifeguard dove in and brought us back to the surface. It was scary with a capital, "S."  Shortly after we got back from that trip, I decided I better sign him up for a beginner swimming class at the Goldfish Swim School where we live. I asked if they had a special needs swim class available and they said no. I almost didn't sign him up, but then decided I had to let go of my anxiety about it. I love the way the instructors at Goldfish teach. There is a lot of positive encouragement ,"high-fives," and participation ribbons which Dominic thrives on. About a week ago, I got an e-mail from the General Manager. She said, "I actuall...

About a week or so before Lauren came home for the Easter weekend, she asked me if I wanted to go with her to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 at the movie theater.  After  I double checked with the hubby that he could watch Dominic for a few hours,  I told her yes, we were on! One thing I've learned now that Lauren is about a month away from finishing her first two years of college - if she wants to spend time ALONE with me, I clear my schedule and make it happen! Lauren's first semester of her freshman year was a HUGE adjustment for me because we are very close. When she was little and a kid cut her off at the slide on the playground, I instantly stepped in and was rectifying the situation for her. Riding her bike to a friends house for the first time, I made her promise she would call me when she got there! The time she told me that she wanted to call me "mom," and not "mommy," it was hard, but I understood. As she went through high school, I had ...

When the hubby brought Dominic home from his Confirmation Preparation class a few weeks ago, he told me that his teacher (Mrs. W) mentioned he had cried during class.  My husband said he asked Dominic a few times on the car ride home, "why were you crying?" No response.  I tried asking him a few times too and got no answer either. When I reached out to Mrs. W later, she told me, " Dominic seemed quite pensive the entire class, as if he were thinking of something else.  We asked him a few questions and it was obvious he had something else on his mind.  It was absolutely sweet that the other kids had such concern for him and wanted to know he was okay.  What a tender moment!  One of his classmates wanted to know if he needed a hug, so we asked him and 3 volunteered to give him a quick hug.  He didn't seem to mind, and I know it did them more good than him ." Wow, what empathy Dominic's classmates had! Still, I didn't know what was bothering h...

Dominic at least a few times a week will tell me, "need to call Bella's mom!" Who is Bella you may ask? Here is the answer to that question: I first met Bella shortly after Dominic's first grand mal seizure. She and her mom approached me at the Meijer grocery store back in June of last year as I was grabbing a milk jug out of the dairy case. Dominic and Bella go to the same middle school.  I have never forgotten what Bella's mom told me that day, "I would love to get our children together and be in Dominic's life however much you will let us." Bella's mom has the most generous heart and has passed on those values to her three children.  Bella and Dominic made sugar cookies last summer: When Dominic had a choir concert at school and neither Lauren or my husband could attend, Bella and her mom surprised us after the concert! The number one thing I admire about Bella is how incredibly compassionate she is. There is a respect a...

When our family moved to Michigan over 14 years ago, one of the very first things we did was join a church. We are blessed to be part of such a great faith community. About a year and a half ago, a gal that I knew, but not really, really well, (Mrs. F) approached us after Mass. She was telling our family how her older daughter had worked over the summer with special needs children. A few days later, she sent me this message: "Cathy, I don't think I was very eloquent because I hadn't thought out exactly what I wanted to say. But I was thinking about you all summer. I guess what i wanted to tell you was how much I admire you and your husband. Dom is your son and I know you would do anything for him, just as you do for Lauren and your stepson. But still, you are so incredibly patient and loving...and just amazing. You are lucky to have Dom in your life...but Dom is also a very blessed little boy. That is really what I wanted to say." Wow, I thought she ...

Dominic getting diagnosed with Epilepsy last year by a pediatric neurologist was not anything I could have ever predicted. After hearing from more than person that Autism and seizures going together is not an unusual thing came as a HUGE shock to me. Dominic having the fourth seizure AFTER having the anti-seizure medication increased after the third seizure was very discouraging. When I saw my doctor for a physical in December and I told her that for the past few months prior to the appointment I had felt exhausted all the time even with several hours of sleep a night, she gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant. I was thinking to myself, good grief, I'm not depressed?!?!  I'm just tired!!!  But, I have to say, it's only been a month, and I definitely feel much more "balanced." The constant stress and worrying about whether Dominic was going to have another seizure had really begun to take a toll on me, both mentally and physically. Each of the four seizure...

When I first got out of high school, I worked for a handful of years in downtown Washington, DC. I used to see quite a few men and women living on the streets. One morning, coming off the subway and riding the escalator to the street level, I remember very vividly a homeless gentleman saying to me, "do you have a cigarette?" I didn't say anything and kept walking. He started following me down the street shouting, "didn't you HEAR me? I asked you for a cigarette!" I turned around, looked at him and said, "I don't smoke." His personality suddenly changed and he apologized for yelling at me. Since moving here to the Midwest, I rarely see someone holding a sign saying they need money, food or a job. Shortly before Christmas, the hubby was asking me what I wanted for a gift. I told him I already have everything I need. Yesterday, when I was on my way to a meeting for the disability ministry, while waiting at a red light, I saw a gentleman probably a...

A t-shirt to me is like a walking "billboard."  It spreads a "message." When Dominic's teacher was ordering "Autism Awareness," shirts a while back, some of my family and friends ordered one.   I especially like the message on the front - " Autism Awareness - Accept - Understand - Love ." This morning, I did a quick Internet search of "Funny Autism T-Shirts." While most of them were acceptable, I came across a few I would not consider acceptable, such as, " I Have Autism, What's Your Excuse ?" and " Hey, Keep Staring at Me and You Just Might Cure My Autism, Then We Can Work on YOUR Social Skills ." Oh, my. Never in a million years would I wear a shirt with those kinds of messages - it immediately puts the other person on the defensive!! When my brother wore his shirt around where he lives, he had someone come up to him and they started talking about Autism, it "started the...