The Moment I Realized Routine Appointments to the Dermatologist Will Never Be "Typical," As A Skin Cancer Survivor

I had my first dermatology appointment since my March surgery on August 14. It was recommended to me that I go every six months the first three years after my surgery and then yearly. I went into the appointment thinking everything was fine, I would be in and out quickly and I would have plenty of time to do some shopping! The gal that I had at the dermatology office, examined me quite thoroughly, asked me a bunch of questions and then started circling moles! Hmm, I knew that wasn't a good sign. In that moment, I realized my routine appointments to the dermatologist will never be "typical."  She began telling me, "you do know that since you had malignant melanoma once, you are at a higher risk to get it again and for the cancer to metastasize, don't you?" I knew I was at a higher risk to get malignant melanoma again, I didn't know about the metastasize part. She said, "I need to do two biopsies, you have some moles that I would rather have in a jar than on you." Um, okay. She then said, "I will have the results for you in two weeks." I went and made an appointment with the receptionist and then drove home. I wasn't in any mood to do any shopping by then. The hubby and Lauren both asked me how it went when I got home, so I explained everything to them. Once again, for the second time this year, I had to tell my elderly parents that I may need cancer surgery.  I felt so awful at the thought of putting them through that again. I spent the next 15 days keeping extremely busy to try to keep my mind off of what the results might show. It was incredibly difficult to wait that long. Anytime my mind wandered and I started thinking about it too much, I got a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. The hubby was off last week from work and he came along with me to my appointment. Luckily, both biopsies were negative. Whew! The sun and I have a totally different "relationship," now. When I mow the lawn, I put SPF 50 on the parts not covered up and I wear sunglasses. When I sit on our deck, I put up the umbrella if I don't have sunblock on. I wear sunblock when I know I will be in the car driving around a lot. My hubby and I are doing monthly skin checks on each other, it's on our family calendar in black marker! I have learned two important things since this cancer journey started in January. One is, I have an incredible and large support system. Two, I am not at all embarrassed or self-conscious to have my 3 1/2 inch scar visible in public. It shows I am a "survivor."