We recently went to visit a family friend (Uncle M.) at his apartment. This particular friend became blind as a baby and wears sunglasses and uses a walking cane. In the over 20+ years I have known him, I don't remember him ever once complaining about it or feeling sorry for himself. In fact, he is one of the most independent men I have ever met! He is the sweetest man ever and the hubby and I think of him as a brother and the "kids" think of him as an uncle. Uncle M. has owned his own place for over 20 years, has a full-time job in Washington, DC (he takes the subway), has tons of friends, a girlfriend and can play the drums (he played at our wedding). Anyways, Dominic made himself at home and started running around in the apartment. We were telling him to stop, but it wasn't until Uncle M. told him, "be careful buddy!" that he actually did. Since we were visiting around dinner time, we were debating whether to go out or order carry-out. We opted to go out for dinner at a favorite pizza place nearby. Dominic and Uncle M. sat next to each other at the table and I was sitting across from them. I was a little concerned, because Lauren and/or I usually sit right next to Dominic, to make him feel comfortable and to kind of keep him "in line." We really didn't need to be concerned or worried. Throughout the meal, Dominic snuggled up next to Uncle M. multiple times. They both were definitely enjoying the yummy pizza. When we went back to drop off Uncle M. at his apartment, since it was late, we decided to say our good-byes in the parking lot. When Dominic gathered us all in for a "group hug" and started singing, "I love you, you love me" from Barney, I felt like I needed a tissue. Uncle M. doesn't "see" Dominic as a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and Dominic doesn't "see" Uncle M. as a man that is blind. I think often about what it must be like to see the world through Dominic's "eyes." I know one thing, Dominic can immediately pick up on how comfortable someone is around him. I'm guessing Uncle M. can too. I wonder how many people have judged him, solely based on the fact that he is blind. I thought it was super duper awesome when we went to the restaurant to eat pizza, not one person stared at him (or Dominic). Sadly, though, many in our society "see" the special needs first and then the person. Wouldn't it be awesome if it was the other way around?
When Dominic was diagnosed with Autism at 2 1/2, I went to our local library and took out every book I could find about Autism. Sometimes I would bring back 20 books. This was 2006, so a lot of the information was very "dated." I guess I was looking for a book that would tell me what I should do next, like a "manual." Autism doesn't quite work that way! The saying is, " if you know one person with Autism, you know one person with Autism." Every mom to an individual with Autism follows their own "path." I think as moms, we judge ourselves much harder than anyone else does. I was 41 when I had Dominic. Did he get the diagnosis of Autism because I was an older mom? because I drank a lot of pop? I could sit and think about that every minute of every day. I am pretty integrated into the Autism community around Lansing and have told more than one person that it took me about two weeks to come to terms with Dominic's diagnosis. It is so incredib...
I just see a boy and his uncle having a good time.
ReplyDelete