bountifulplate

One of the very first things I did when Dominic was diagnosed with Autism, was look on the Internet for information. Oh my.  There wasn't just a few hundred resources that popped up, but about 15 million. Yikes. That's completely unrealistic to think anyone has the time to wade through all that information. I remember VERY vividly feeling 100% completely overwhelmed. Living close to a large university definitely has its "perks." After looking through the Autism Speaks website under the research section, I found a study going on that Dominic met all the qualifications for at the newly opened Autism Research Lab . I knew I wanted our family to participate, because as we all know Autism affects the ENTIRE family. Could I have decided not to have our family participate? yes, we all make choices we are not 100% sure about. Wow, am I glad that I reached out to the gal in charge! To this day, she and I are really good friends! We actually just went to a "reunion...

Dominic was so excited for today!  He and his sixth-grade classmates were going to a movie at a movie theater! What's really cool is that he will be able to order his own "snacks."  I asked him what he was going to eat.  He told me, "popcorn and pop!"  Wow, what an incredible opportunity for Dominic's class, don't you think?  When I was in sixth grade, the special education students were kept so separate from the rest of the school that we rarely saw them, much less have any interaction with them. The administration at Dominic's school goes above and beyond to make sure that he and his classmates always feel "included." Back in October, I got this e-mail from Dominic's teacher: "I printed out 100 sign up forms for peer-to-peer this year and I got a call from the front office this morning telling me we ran out and I needed to print out more :)" As if that wasn't cool enough, in November, I got this e-mail: "...

When it came time to see a pediatric neurologist (Dr. F) after Dominic's seizure in June of this year, all I knew was that we were going to have to drive 60 miles to his office. When Dr. F was able to work Dominic into the schedule to get an Electroencephalogram (EEG) of his brain the same day we went to Dominic's first appointment because he didn't want us to have to drive two hours round trip to see him again, I thought that was pretty cool. When I got home from that appointment and found a phone message from Dr. F telling me to call him back because his EEG showed, "intermediate activity," he took the time to explain to me what that meant.  When I called Dr. F after Dominic's second seizure, he highly suggested we put Dominic on an anti-seizure medication. As you can imagine, I had many questions. Every single e-mail or call I made to Dr. F was answered promptly, sometimes within an hour.  After talking it over with family members, fr...

I was talking to an acquaintance the other day about Dominic.  This gentleman knows that he has Autism.  During the course of our conversation he said, "so, he's a genius, right?" All I said back was, "well, he can play the piano!" Yikes, looking back on that conversation, there were so many things I could have said instead. Like, how about Autism is not the same for every child or adult?  Lately, I feel like I'm in "unchartered territory" with Dominic. Given that he is well past 11 years old, I am almost 100% sure he is going through puberty. So many emotions and hormones are swirling around these days around Dominic that I feel like I am caught up in a tornado! We work all the time on getting him to tell us his feelings. This morning he kept saying, "James got stung on his nose by a bee!" I asked him to show me in the Thomas the Tank Engine book he was looking at where in the story James got stung. Sure enough, there was a p...

Since my parents have gotten older, I have made more frequent trips back to Maryland. In the past five days, I have flown on four planes. Based on my most recent flying "experience," I feel that an airplane "etiquette" post is in order. To the gentleman on my flight from Lansing to Detroit last Friday, I sincerely apologize that I was accidentally in your seat. It was early and I said I was sorry. I could have done without the "dirty" look, though.  Good grief man, it was 5:30 a.m.! On all four of my flights, I was in the aisle seat. That provided me with quite a bit of entertainment. Fellow passengers - please, please, please measure your bags before you leave to come to the airport, especially if you plan on them being your carry-on "item." To the gentleman who pushed his chest into the side of my head while struggling to fit the suitcase into the overhead compartment on the flight from Detroit to Baltimore, I'm so glad you decided to w...

Yesterday afternoon, while I was on hold with a dentist's office, trying to get Lauren an appointment, the call waiting on my home phone beeped in. I didn't answer it because I really needed to finish my conversation with the dentist's office. Well, I guess I should have answered it because it was the social worker at my mom's care facility. After failing to get me on our home phone, the social worker called my cell phone. I picked up the call on my cell phone and the social worker said, "I'm calling about your mom." I said, "I'm on hold with my daughter's dentist's office, is my mom okay? is it an emergency?" She said, "it's not an emergency, but it is urgent ."  Yikes. I had my home phone against my left ear and the cell phone on my right ear. In that moment in time, I literally was in the middle of the generation "sandwich." I was helping both my daughter and my mother at the same exact time!! How many ...

As a new disability ministry in the area, we have a lot to prove. We have to show that what we do is helping others AND is needed.  As program director, I am constantly looking for different programs for our “special” individuals and families. Since April, we have had three special needs Masses, two worship services, a picnic and just recently, a music event at the Michigan State University Community Music School. Our average attendance (not including the picnic) has been holding steady at about 30. The picnic surpassed all expectations and we had about 100 people! One of the gals that brought some wonderful individuals from a group home to the picnic, told me to my face, “there isn’t much out there for older disabled adults to participate in.”   Hmm, I found that quite sad. My son is just 11, but in seven years he will be an adult. The thought of him having very little programs and activities available to him when he reaches 18 is not a thought I like!   That’s wh...

When my husband accepted a job in Michigan in December of 2001, I knew moving away would not be easy for my parents. I've always been very close to them.  It's really, really hard to put into words what it is like to be 600 miles away from my parents, given that my mom is so ill and in a skilled nursing facility. Around last Christmas, the doctors were telling us she had just a few months and to prepare for hospice care.     Well, my mom has defied the odds.  Last night, when I was talking to her on the phone though, she was very confused. It truly breaks my heart, because she is a very smart woman.  Given that she has end-stage congestive heart failure, not enough oxygen is going to her brain. I feel like every time I hang up the phone after chatting with her, I've lost another piece of  the "old" mom. This whole experience of putting my mother into a skilled nursing facility has been difficult for everyone involv...

This past Tuesday was Dominic's first day of sixth grade. The hubby, Lauren and I were all part of the send off "crew." Shortly before his bus came to pick him up, we were explaining to Dominic that when he came back home (he had a half-day), Lauren would need to leave to go back to college. Both Lauren and I saw the tears welling up in his eyes. Even though Dominic has Autism, and a "classic" symptom of Autism is "impaired" social interaction, he is one of those kids that wears his heart on his "sleeve."  You can tell by looking at him how he is feeling.    The "kids" were able to spend an hour or so together and then she had to pack up. Dominic really did not want her to go. He even went over to his daily "schedule" and crossed off, "Lauren go back to college," which I had written earlier in the morning. I said, "Dominic, did you think if you cross it off, that means she would stay here?"...

I try to involve Dominic as much as I can when I am baking. Yesterday morning, we made pumpkin muffins. In the past, when it came time to measure the liquids or crack the eggs, I would do it. I decided that it was time for him to try it.  I showed Dominic where on the measuring cup he needed to fill it to and he did it exactly. Then, since we needed to crack four eggs, I let him do it from beginning to end. He has seen me crack probably enough eggs to circle the Earth, so he applied just the right amount of pressure and dropped all four eggs into a separate bowl,with NO shells!!  I gave him tons of verbal praise and he told me, "I did it the eggs, all by myself!" He was grinning from ear to ear and told me several times throughout the day about his egg cracking.  It may not seem like a gigantic deal to most people, but to me it was another "skill" that Dominic has mastered. Today, we had a "field trip" to the Kroger .  Long gone are the days that I would w...

This morning, before my husband left for work he said, "you like going through your old cookbooks, don't you?" The poor guy, I have my "collection" all over the place right now. They are next to my side of the bed, spilling out of the bookcase in the dining room and next to the computer! He's even tried to tell me I have enough cookbooks. Shame on him, right?!?!?!? He should know that after being together almost 25 years, I will NEVER  have enough cookbooks!!! LOL.  Lately, I've been looking through the ones that belonged to my mother-in-law. She passed away in January of 2011 and we miss her all the time. She worked for a number of years at the May Company in Cleveland, Ohio. One of the cookbooks I acquired from her, " Celebrate Our 1st Cookbook ," I'm guessing was distributed to all of the employees around the holidays. I found some of the names of the recipes in the cookbook to be quite, ahem, different. These three kind of stood ...

Dominic has been to a barber shop exactly twice. The first time, my husband and I took him to the local Meijer barber shop and he gagged and cried so much, we had to leave. The second time, he bolted out of the barber shop and almost ran into the road. I have been cutting his hair ever since. I would have to get myself mentally "geared up" to give him his haircuts, because it would be so upsetting for the both of us. When he was small enough, I could put him in his booster seat, strap him in and cut away. Given that he is now over 120 pounds those days are LONG gone. This past Saturday, Dominic out of the blue started saying, "haircut, barber shop, socks and shoes, car." He probably repeated it at least half a dozen times. Every time he would say it, my response back was, "are you sure?" I tried to explain to him that once the barber started, he would have to finish. He was EXTREMELY persistent about wanting to go. He wore me down until I finally said,...

Lauren moves into her on-campus apartment in a little less than three weeks. We have bought her textbooks, school supplies and the parking permit for her car. This time last year, we were cross referencing lists, buying last minute things for her dorm room and figuring out how to pack everything into our van for the 90-mile drive to her college campus. I remember thinking to myself at the time, how in the world would I get used to not seeing her everyday? How would we all adjust? During Lauren's freshman year of college, I learned the following: It was completely fine if we didn't e-mail, talk, Facebook  or text EVERY day. The world would continue to revolve. Skype is a wonderful thing - we even did three-way conversations with my stepson! It wasn't that big of a deal having Lauren save up all of her dirty laundry for me for two weeks at a time. I learned about muscles I didn't know existed when going up and down the four flights of ...

This past Sunday, the disability ministry that I am blessed to be the program director for had a picnic that started about 11:30 a.m. We had a handful of firemen and a policewoman there who brought two big fire trucks and a police car to look at. We also had face painting, a petting zoo, lots of games and yummy food. About 2 p.m., a van pulled into the parking lot. The doors opened and five disabled residents from a group home got out. I went over to welcome them to our picnic and directed them to one of the tables. I then sat down between two of the women. The lady to the left of me immediately fell asleep in her wheelchair. The gal to the right of me who looked to be in her mid-70's was looking straight ahead with a big scowl on her face. She looked incredibly ticked off and mad, like the last place in the world she wanted to be was at a picnic talking to someone she had never met before (me).  I asked her a bunch of times...

    I know that you felt uncomfortable in the music school waiting room last Wednesday night. I saw you shifting in your seat, like you would rather have been anywhere else in the world, but where you were.  When I started talking to my friend in the wheelchair, I could see you staring at me. When the two young women with special needs starting chatting with each other, I watched you look at them and then turn away. I'm guessing you felt out of place when the three moms of the adult children with special needs started chatting happily amongst themselves at the table next to you. When I was waiting for Dominic's teacher to come and take him back for music therapy, I could tell by your expression that you were trying to guess what his "disability" was. When I saw your son coming down the hallway from his music lesson, I watched you bolt of your chair and rush your son out the door. When Dominic and I were walking to our car and you ...

Back at the beginning of the summer, Lauren decided that she would start a "bucket" list of activities that she wanted to do alone with Dominic. Given that she has her own car and license, I am not required to be a "chauffeur." This was an idea that she thought up on her own - I had no hand in it whatsoever. She told me recently, "it's fun to do "sibling" things with Dominic!!" In all ways, they are "typical" siblings. So far, they have watched a movie in a movie theater:   visited the library, played tennis and went for Slurpee's at the  7-Eleven ! This summer has been a bit of an adjustment for both "kids," because Lauren has a summer job and she is working long and late hours. When Dominic hears her car pull up in the driveway, he will come to the front door as she comes in and say, "surprise, welcome home La-La!" It definitely puts a big smile on her face (and mine). Lauren told me recentl...

What if you had the chief of pediatric rheumatology at a well renowned hospital in the Midwest, look you right in the eye after four visits and tell you that even though your child had the positive genetic marker and the family history for an autoimmune disorder called ankylosing spondylitis  that wasn't what she had? What if you had been told your child was, "failing to thrive" at age 14 and you watched as her weight plummeted to under 90 pounds, feeling helpless and unable to help her? The child I am talking about is my daughter, Lauren.  When the chief of rheumatology looked at me that day and told me basically that nothing was wrong with my child, I knew that something had to change immediately. I needed to stand up and speak up. I was not going to give up, it's just not in my nature. I have advocated tirelessly for Dominic since he was diagnosed with Autism at age 2 1/2 and with Lauren it was ...

When you and your daughter came up to Dominic and I that Monday afternoon in the dairy aisle at Meijer  and started talking to us, I know you had no idea what I had been through the previous 48 hours. The past Saturday, I had to call 911 because Dominic had a seizure and was unresponsive. I bet you didn't know that he went by ambulance to the hospital and that he had to be wheeled in on a stretcher and unfortunately this was not his first ride in an ambulance.  I bet you didn't know that I had to promise Dominic a meal from McDonald's if he lay still while the technicians did the CT scan of his brain. I wasn't able to tell you that day that he was discharged after a couple of hours because all of this tests were normal. I know that you didn't know that Sunday afternoon we had a fellowship service for the disability ministry that I am the program director for and when I got home, I found out that a beloved priest, who did our very firs...

Back when I was a child, my dad used to sing a song to me. He would sing, "oh, she worries, oh, how she worries." I would miss my first days of school, because I would "pre-worry" so much that it was debilitating. As I grew older, the "pre-worrying," followed me like a constant shadow. When I would host gatherings or other events for family and friends, the entire time beforehand I would constantly be worrying. Once the actual event or gathering would start, I would be fine. Once I got married and started having children, the "pre-worrying" continued.  About three years ago, I went and talked to a psychologist about everything that was going on in my life, because I was feeling a tad "overwhelmed." I distinctly remember looking right at the psychologist at one of my sessions and asking her, "so, do you think I have anxiety?" I expected her to tell me no. She was like, "oh, yeah, you do!" Wow, to finally have a ...

Last Christmas, my family and I drove back to Maryland for the holidays. Since my mom had just entered a skilled nursing facility a few weeks before, we stayed with my dad because I didn't want him to be alone.  Lauren and my dad share a love of  history, so they always have something to chat about. My dad and my stepson have known each other for more than 24 years, so they can always talk "guy" stuff.  It's been a bit more challenging though for Dominic to have a close relationship with my dad. One of the times when my dad visited us here in Michigan, Dominic did something my dad didn't like and he tried to discipline Dominic. I let my dad know right away that it was up to my husband or I to take care of that. My dad later apologized to me. On another occasion while at my parents house, Dominic starting playing around with the cuckoo clock that is in their living room. No matter how many times I told Dominic to stay away ...

I have written more than once about how I like to go through the old recipes and newspaper/magazine clippings that belonged to my mother-in-law. I have definitely found some good ones, that's for sure! I recently searched through the big pile of newspaper clippings and pulled one out from 1955. All four recipes had coconut involved, but only one had the quantity that they made. There were recipes for coconut macaroons, cornflake macaroons, baked tropical confections and marguerites. The only recipe I had all the ingredients for were the coconut macaroons, but I had no idea how many cookies it would make. One thing I quickly discovered about macaroons, they are super duper STICKY .  Also, make sure you use plenty of non-stick spray on the cookie sheet! I used an older cookie sheet and not enough non-stick spray, so they stuck a bit when I was removing them to a wire rack to cool. They still tasted great, though. Aren't the little scraps always the best?!?!?!...

By now, you have probably heard the story about the girl with Autism whose entire family was "kicked off" a United Airlines flight. When I saw this story on the news, my first thought was anger. Anytime I think that a special needs child/adult has been mistreated, I automatically go into that mode. Well, the more I read about what happened, I could totally see it from both "sides."  I wrote recently about when we made our reservations to fly to Jamaica for spring break, American Airlines had us separated from Dominic. At first, the customer service representative told me they couldn't help me, but I persisted and a supervisor made the change. While some airlines are excellent with special needs, others are not. The mother could have definitely had a better choice of words when talking to the flight attendant about getting her daughter a hot meal. Her words were something to this effect, "I have a child with special needs, I need to get her something....

I'm guilty. I admit it. I am reminded by both Lauren and the hubby, more often than not, that Dominic is capable of much more than I give him credit for.  I really don't know why I sometimes underestimate what he can do. Maybe it's because I don't like to see him fail? or get frustrated? I know to learn, he will get upset and cry and possibly scream. I guess it's the maternal instinct in me, I don't like to see my children or anyone else's children sad. Having to tell Lauren that Santa Claus wasn't real was a pretty tough thing. At one time, I was convinced Dominic would never get toilet trained. It truly was easier to just change his diaper or Pull-Up . We knew there was no physical reason why he didn't want to get potty trained, which made it all the more frustrating. More than once I was ready to give up, but his old teacher, Mr. P., planned out the whole process and it did eventually happen. Just in the past three weeks, he has ASKED to use the ...

My mom and I have always been close. Besides being mother and daughter, we are also friends. When my family and I moved to Michigan in December of 2001, I knew that my mom would have a difficult time adjusting to the fact that I was going to be living 600 miles away. While we absolutely love the Midwest and everything it has to offer, when a friend or family member is in need back on the East Coast, it really makes me wish I could be in two places at the same time. My mother was diagnosed with heart problems at the beginning of August of 2014, which unfortunately are so far advanced, there is nothing the doctors can do to help her.  This past December,  my mom was moved to a skilled nursing facility. It has been an adjustment for all of us, but I think she has finally reached a point where she considers where she lives "home." Her heart is so weak that she is confined 24 hours to her bed. I have always considered my mom to be an attractive woman a...

This past school year, I helped co-teach a first grade religious education class. During our final class, a few weeks ago, I had to take an important cell phone call from the hubby. When I came back to the table and sat down to continue the lesson, one of the little boys looked at my phone and then at me and said, "you have a really old fashioned phone!" Yes, I STILL have a TracFone "flip phone." I communicate mostly by e-mail and Facebook , so I really haven't felt the need to switch to another kind of phone. Lauren taught me how to text a few years back, so when someone texts me, I can at least text them back!  A favorite saying of mine is, "good grief." The other day I caught myself saying, "heavens to murgatroyd." Yikes. I love to look through my old cookbooks and find "vintage" recipes.  Since becoming the program director of a disability ministry, I have met a handful of different priests and even a retired bishop!  Yesterd...

In the Fall of 2014, I applied to take a training session to work at the libraries in our school district. I didn't make the "list" and while I felt a bit disappointed, I knew deep down in my heart that opportunity was not the one for me. My life was already very full of helping transition and guide Lauren through her first year of college, helping to manage my mother's care in a nursing home, co-teach a first grade religious education class, guiding my father through all the challenges of living alone and getting Dominic adjusted to middle school. At the back of my mind though, I had this feeling that I wanted to be doing more, but I just didn't know what that "more" was. I don't think I would qualify the way I felt to be a mid-life "crisis," but I definitely knew I had reached a "crossroads" in my life. I thought about looking for a job or going back to college. Neither of those two ideas seemed like the right "fit."  ...